BREAKING NEWS STORY: MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH CHANGES EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW ABOUT CIGARETTES!
A recent study done by the most qualified men in St. John's has revealed an absolutely shocking statistic that will change your life, and put your mind to rest about the dangers of smoking.
These new studies indicate that smoking is in fact NOT dangerous at all, but perhaps essential to live, as 100% of all people who do not smoke DIE! That's right, every single person alive who does not smoke will die. the correlation between life span and cigarettes smoked has not been conclusive, but research is being done to bring you all the most up to date news on the subject.
NEXT WEEK: COULD DRINKING WATER BE RELATED TO THIS HUGE HEALTH SCANDAL? SECRETS OF IMMORTALITY UNLOCKED? ALL ANSWERS REVEALED TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN NEXT WEEKS ADDITION OF QUALIFIED NEWS!
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